


Weapon of Mass Destruction

by jfmesq



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack Fic, Destructive hiccups, Domestic Fluff, Humor, I promisse the poodle is fine, M/M, Poor Makkachin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 05:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15745464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfmesq/pseuds/jfmesq
Summary: Yuuri has an episode of violent hiccups, like Victor had never seen before.





	Weapon of Mass Destruction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BookewyrmeWritesFic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookewyrmeWritesFic/gifts).



> Hey Everyone!  
> I'm rehearsing posting a fic on Ao3 for a long time, and now my dear friend/boss/partner in crime Fairy helped me to finally do it. She inspired this story on a lovely morning when I was at work and received a hilarious message from her. This is a gift for her friendship and for being such an amazing person! Bookewyrme, this is for you!

It was a Sunday morning the first time Victor witnessed it. It was a catastrophe, and had it lingered for a bit more time, the house would’ve certainly been brought down.

..........

Instead of gently opening his eyes to a peaceful, lazy day off, Victor woke up to the clash of metal falling on the ground. Yuuri was nowhere to be seen, and Victor assumed that there must have been some kind of accident while his husband was preparing breakfast.

“Yuuri,” Victor shouted, apprehension in his voice. When Yuuri didn’t answer back, apprehension turned into real fear. He quickly gathered his pants from the floor, put them on and rushed to the kitchen. Yuuri was leaning on the sink, the cabinet door opened over his head and some aluminum bowls and frying pans scattered on the floor around him. Yuuri was covering his mouth with both hands, and Victor frowned.

“What happened? Is there something wrong?” Yuuri slowly took his hands away from his face, just to let the most riotous noise come out of his throat. It was so fierce and rampant that Victor took a step back and threw up his arms to protect himself. When he looked at Yuuri again, the man had his eyes wide open and a scared look on his face, while saying something like “I’m so sorry,” his words muffled by his palms.

“Was that a hiccup?” Victor asked incredulously, while trying to calm both himself and his husband down, putting a hand on his right cheek. Yuuri just nodded, looking down in embarrassment.

“It’s ok, honey… there is… there’s nothing to worry about.” His words came out a little uncertain, and at that moment, Yuuri let out another violent hiccup, hitting the mug on the counter with his elbow and sending it down to shatter into dozens of pieces on the ground.

They just looked at each other for a few seconds... what was even happening? "Yuuri, dear, I think it would be best if you get out of the kitchen..." Victor said, trying to easy the tension. The noisy activities attracted Makkachin's attention, and the curious poodle appeared behind Yuuri, sniffling the cracks of the deceased mug. Victor tried to shoo her away, but as he tried to get closer to her, he also got closer to Yuuri, making his husband step back right on Makka's paw. This single movement made the dog jump in pain, Yuuri jump in fright from the poodle's screams and Victor jump to save Yuuri from a move that would certainly get his foot cut.

"Dear... please..." Victor said as if they were hanging over a cliff, trying not to move. "Try to breath. Take deep and slow breaths." Yuuri started to fill his lungs and move his hands away from his face just a bit, and while breathing out, Yuuri let another thunderous hiccup out, startling Victor and making him hit the top of his head on the open cabinet door above them.

"OK! I take that back. Please, try not to breathe so much, love." Victor took Yuuri's hands in his, guiding him away from the sea of porcelain pieces they were standing in and taking him back to the bedroom. He made a Yuuri sushi-roll, tucking him under blankets and covers and pillows and everything fluffy he could find, so that Yuuri wouldn't hurt himself ( or anyone else) or destroy things around him. But that didn't do any good, because as soon as Victor got back to clean up the mess on the kitchen floor, he heard another one of Yuuri's disastrous hiccups again, and a puff of white feathers came flying through the bedroom door.

He never heard of something like this before. Have Yuuri's hiccups always been that violent? Actually, thinking back now, Victor didn't remember ever seeing Yuuri having hiccups before, and if he did, it certainly wasn't like that! Was it a rare disease? Or even a curse? Did they cure something like this at the hospital? How would they deal with it?

As Victor was thinking about the situation, he heard another hiccup, and this time their bed was the one who died. He went back to the bedroom to meet Yuuri wrapped in a blue striped duvet, only his eyes visible, sitting on a mattress that rested over the pieces of the bed-frame, with feathers everywhere. Yuuri was like a wrecking ball, destroying everything he touched with his sudden hiccups!

"OK love! I'm sorry, but you leave me no choice!" Yuuri's eyes widened in confusion, and he just looked at Victor, not daring to release his mouth from under the layers of sheets. "I'll give you a cold bath!" In a fast movement, Yuuri hid under the duvet so that Victor couldn't reach him and a hide and seek war started, but some seconds were all they had until another hiccup made Yuuri bend his knee and leave a black eye on Victor. Of course, Yuuri was so mortified for hurting his husband over and over again that he consented to taking a cold bath.

Now you must be thinking... how can anyone survive a cold bath on Russia?! That's exactly what was going through Yuuri's mind too, and he wasn't really dying to know the answer. The problem was, if he didn't take a bath, someone surely was going to die... because of hiccups. It was so ridiculous, but unfortunately, it was also true.

Yuuri came from under the covers determined to make his problem go away. He wouldn't forgive himself if he gave Victor another black eye. He started to undress slowly, being careful not to make any movements that could cause another hiccup. Suddenly, he felt fingers on his hips and teeth sink into his butt. He screamed with the shock, and when he looked back, Victor was smiling... the way he smiled when his filthy thoughts were showing on his face, completely seduced and smitten.

"Your body is so beautiful... and this butt someday is going to be the death of me... you know that, don't you?" How could Victor be so gorgeous even with a black eye? "I like yours better!" Yuuri said, and Victor looked genuinely surprised. Why? Yuuri had told him this before... and then he remembered. He was talking, and the bad feeling on his throat was gone. "My hiccups... are gone! It must have been when you scared me..." Victor made a wounded face, like he was being truly ofended. "OK... when you surprised me!" Now Victor had a satisfied smile on his lips. "You never fail to surprise me, you know that don't you?" Yuuri put a gentle kiss on his husband's mouth, and got rewarded with a tongue caressing his lower lip.

"How about we spend the morning in bed?" 

"You mean the ex bed?"

….........

Laughter and moans could be heard in the living room, where a very irritated poodle licked a pounding paw. "Dork dads!"

**Author's Note:**

> So, please tell me below on the comments what did you think of this sillyness! XD
> 
> ooorrrr... come scream at me on my Tumblr @jfmesq


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